Meditation Whys & Hows

This post attempts to share in plain language what meditation has done for me now that I’ve been practicing for 3 years pretty regularly (and received formal meditation instructor training 18 months ago), and some simple instructions/suggestions on how to start. I can only speak to what’s working for me, in the hopes that something in there resonates for you. But don’t take my word for it, try it and see and most importantly get curious about this centuries-old practice that has increasingly more (and many inarguably highly discerning) advocates including numerous Fortune 500 CEOS, acclaimed artists and authors and millions of ‘everyday’ people worldwide.

My personal realizations, developed through a consistent (but not perfect!) meditation practice:

·      Meditation is not about clearing the mind of thoughts or about being peaceful – it is about having a different relationship with my thoughts

·      My mind’s job is to create thoughts, lots of them - and yet I don’t have to chase after every one of them. I don’t have to believe everything I think - I can be the Observer of my Thoughts

·      A meditation practice helps in daily life by training the brain that there can be a space or pause between what happens and how I react to it (responsiveness vs. reactivity)

·      Most of my suffering/pain is in the past or future (ruminating or catastrophizing, in the Stories I’m creating) – whereas typically right now, in this moment, nothing substantial (bad or good) is really happening

·      Taking 5-10 minutes for myself to meditate before the day starts sets a grounded tone for the whole day, and gives me a place of stability to reference back to during the day

·      I’m not alone in being frustrated with my busy mind - almost everyone has trouble focusing and worries that their thoughts are bad or weird, or “too something” – this is part of being human

HOW I meditate and The WHY of each step (the short version):

1)    I take a posture of ‘wakefulness/dignity’ and ‘stillness’ on a chair – the posture grounds me and the stillness allows me to ‘see’ more clearly how my mind continues to move, compared to my now-still body.

The basics of the posture are: tall back (“upright but not uptight”), hands on thighs, chin tucked, breathing in through the nose. Eyes can be open or closed. More detailed instructions are best experienced through a guided meditation (suggestions at bottom).  

2)    I take a few breaths through my nose, noticing where in my body I feel the breath most strongly – the meditation style I practice emphasizes the feeling of breath as a way to connect to the present, this moment…as it is only in this very moment that any breath can happen. The big lightbulb moment for me in learning this practice was the instruction to place my awareness/attention on where I feel my breath in my body, not the conceptual intellectualizing of ‘breathing’.  For what it’s worth, I usually feel it in my nostrils or stomach, but any place is fine/good/perfect

3)    I settle into normal breathing, nothing special, through the nose – I literally can’t do it wrong, I’m just breathing!

4)    Now I’m just sitting there, feeling my breath in a specific place in my body, and when I notice my thoughts arise - that’s no problem it’s our mind’s job to think! – and I notice that I get caught up in them, I gently invite my awareness back to the feeling of my breath – this trains my attention little-by-little to be present in this moment, and there are 2 awesome things about This Moment: 1) almost-always nothing bad is happening, 2) It is an oasis or respite available to me at any time of the day, even and especially  outside of a meditation ‘sit’.

5)    I finish by ‘Dedicating the Merit’ – a.k.a celebrate that “I did it!!! ” -  not only for my benefit but for the benefit of all who ‘suffer’, in small and big ways; this is important to me as a part of the meditation experience because it reminds me that we are all having a human experience and that this experience connects us to all people and that helps me feel connected and grounded

Things I Try to Remember:

This is a practice – and for almost everyone, it’s a lifelong practice in that you never ‘get it right’ and you’re never done. An analogy might be strength/weight-training…you have to keep doing it to keep getting the benefits, and sometimes it feels good while you’re doing it but usually it’s either neutral or a bit of a challenge.

Meditation is not about clearing your mind of thoughts - Thoughts are welcomed; how could they not be, it is our mind’s job to think. The invitation of Shamatha meditation is to observe our thoughts, with non-judgement and non-attachment. For example, it’s natural and normal to have a thought pop into my mind about my colleague or significant other annoying me: it’s the layered-on or ‘extra’ judgement and attachment that is really the problem. The fact that my husband didn’t take out the trash really doesn’t have much ‘energy’/impact until the Story I tell about it creates that energy…in the form of anger, frustration, etc. This is a natural, habitual tendency that can be un-learned and un-cultivated through meditative awareness.

You will be shocked at how much busier your mind is than you even thought – that’s the point, to notice the swirling of your mind at first, and then gradually to invite non-judgement of, and non-attachment to, all of our wild thoughts. Everyone’s mind is very busy, you are not alone in this!

You will zone out or get distracted over and over – if you notice this even once, you’ve done an important ‘rep’ (weightlifting analogy) to strengthen the awareness muscle. I love stories of Buddhist monks who train for decades and still report falling asleep or zoning out. We’re humans and thinking and zoning out are tactics that have helped us in the past, and sometimes we overuse tactics or use them in the wrong context, that’s normal. Whenever you notice that you’ve zoned out or become enrolled in a thought, that’s exactly the point of the practice – noticing and coming back – think of the noticing as the bicep curl when strength training.

Meditation is not for everyone – in particular those who are dealing with trauma may find that they need additional support to start a practice or it’s not right for them. As with anything, listen to yourself and if it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. 

There are a dizzying number of types of meditation – it’s a bit of a web to navigate. As with most complicated things, the best advice I’ve ever received is to just start somewhere and build from there, staying curious. There are a few resources I found helpful when I started:

Resources:

Guided Meditation Apps: I like the Ten Percent Happier app, Calm and Headspace apps. Let me know if you try something you like, I’m always looking to expand my understanding of what’s out there!

Books: Start Here Now by Susan Piver, Buddha’s Brain by Rick Hanson Ph.D. (last 3 chapters), Practical Meditation for Beginners by Benjamin Decker, Zen Mind Beginner’s Mind by Suzuki Roshi, Ten Percent Happier by Dan Harris.

 Meditation Groups: called a ‘sangha’ when connected to the Buddhist tradition, there are a lot of options for groups that meet daily via video conference to meditation together with light instruction. The one I belong to is the Open Heart Project: https://openheartproject.com/open-heart-project/. InsightLA is another well-known, well-regarded organization. You can google ‘online meditation groups’ for some additional options.